Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Why God Hates Me: And Other Annoyances.

God doesn't like me right now. Maybe it's all the four-letter words I like to drop, maybe it's my attitude, or perhaps He is just having a bad month. Any way your cut it, He hates me. First, I screw up the checkbook. HUGE mistake... SRSLY. Then, we lose the grape-stomp. I hate to lose. Thirdily, the only grade I've gotten to sub for this month is SECOND F-ING GRADE! I HATE second grade. Need further proof that the Big Man Upstairs has it in for me? Fourthily, I didn't get the job with the University. I am a huge loser with no prospects for decent employment, forever destined to be a second-rate, poorly compensated, substitute teacher. GOD HATES ME.

Plan B. I have a plan "B". I was a Girl Scout for all of like five minutes, so I am prepared. I am starting my own clothing business. You heard that right. It's going to have cute little frou-frou frillies for little girls and pretty dresses for fatties like me. I even made a dress form replica of my fatness. You can find the plans for one at this link:


I chose the duct tape one. So far, so good. I'll get to try it out Thursday. Anyhow, I'll be hawking my goodies on ebay under the name of fluffy_stuff08. Check it out in a few weeks.

Please pray to God or whomever you pray to that I 1.) keep my sanity 2.) don't harm any innocent second graders 3.) find peace.

1 comment:

Her Royal Highness, Princess Amy, Drinker of the Beers, Spewer of Bad Word said...

If you hurt a second grader, make sure he has crackheads for parents. Mr and Mrs Crackhead won't miss their prescious snowflake for days, giving you plenty of time to hide the body