I just finished "Such A Pretty Fat" by Jen Lancaster **my favorite author** and I'm not sure if I feel inspired to lose weight or drink Key Lime Martinis... I can think of reasons why I can't diet and make it stick. Here they are ala Bridgette Jones:
1.) I've given birth and my muscles suck... permanently.
2.) The fat pushes out the wrinkles and stretch marks.
3.) I have children for Christ sake and I can't deprive them of cookies.
4.) I have Z-E-R-O willpower.
5.) I like stretchy clothing.
6.) I like being asked when I'm due.
Okay, so maybe these aren't good reasons.
For those following the saga of our heroine, she has not heard anything about the elusive job yet. I jump every time the phone rings, thinking it's them telling me I'm hired. Oh blessed freedom... I keep telling myself that it is counterproductive to get all worked up and stressed out wondering if I got the job or some other undeserving, overqualified biatch did. There were certified teachers applying! For a job that only makes $13.80 per hour! That should be a RED FLAG!! If they can't get or keep a job teaching everyday, it's probably a clear indicator that they won't be so great at teaching nutrition education every day. I mean seriously... think about it.
Well, folks, I'm off to sub today for the freakin second grade... my least favorite grade to teach. I have an alphabet soup class; ADD, ADHD, BD, LD and so forth. Pray that no innocents are harmed. Amen.